Written in the flow of consciousness - so please excuse expressions and mistakes!
This will take me a while to write...but I am starting this as Solstice reaches 9 months old. My darling, energetic, little cub who is actually a rather big cub is now 9 months...the same length of time that I carried our Gypsy boy around in my big round belly! So...it only feels right to write about his arrival here, into this open world.
By the time I finish this, he will probably be a year, as it's lengthy....but I will try to condense it as much as possible.
28 year Old me...being pregnant was the best feeling in the world! Despite the first few weeks of feeling shitty and tired and the last couple months of...well I'll get to that later - it was amazing. I'd never been happier with my body! Watching it grow into this Earth Mother Goddess roundness of life, fertility, wholesomeness, strength and enormous sensitive power just took me and hubby's breath away.
I never suffered with any sickness and thankfully had a very smooth and enjoyable and healthy pregnancy. In the beginning I did feel very tired, sometimes so tired, brushing my teeth was an effort. I remember my skin reacting quite badly too...a few persistent spots on my jaw which could be down to the weird food I was eating. Being a vegetarian, I was quite shocked and a bit stunned when I started craving Chicken. 'Well-done' Chicken. I mean, REALLY 'WELL-DONE over cooked chicken'. I basically didn't want to see any reminisce of it ever being a chicken. The amount of times I sent my plate back to the chef because my food wasn't burnt was almost a joke - one that I wasn't laughing at. Never come between a pregnant woman and her food. I also began eating fish and lots of dairy....mmmm...! Thankfully Solstice wasn't forcing me to eat red meat so that at least was my saviour! I decided that I wouldn't begrudge me eating meat, and that this was what my baby needed! Simple.
Through-out my pregnancy J, was very hands-on...reading to baby Gypsy (his nickname before he became Solstice), playing his guitar to him, helping me with my affirmations that I was to paint and put up all over the house, coming to any classes with me...he was my rock and allowed me the space to be and connect in the way that I needed to. This is so important!
We embraced every part of our pregnancy and straight away bonded with Gypsy feeling that he was a boy from day dot!
The last 2 months suddenly became harder. I was no longer floating around, I was now dragging myself around...slowly huffing around a huuuuuge belly...swollen feet, achy back and dealing with deplorable insomnia. I still continued my dancing, chanting, yoga and swimming, meditating with Gypsy and remaining totally conscious and aware of my body, Gypsy and how my waters were flowing inside me. My pregnancy brought me so in-touch with my being, my vibration, my earthly connection, divine connection and the energy of my powerful baby growing inside of me. So powerful that I had to stop healing as he would become involved...his energy strong and pure.
The time came for us to really think about my birth plan, which I wrote at 3am one morning on one of my nightly walks around the house...munching on dry crackers and drinking grape juice, knowing that the gods were preparing me for a future of sleepless nights and that this was all groundwork. My birth plan was for a natural home-birth in water without Medication. J would naturally be my birth-partner and my mum would also be there...a triangle of peace and safety for the arrival of this very special being, blanketed in the familiar chant of Om Mani Padme Hum that everyday resonated through my woman into new life.
It was all just very beautiful and right...however there was just one disappointment throughout my pregnancy and that was the lack of support from other mothers when it came to me voicing my 'no medication' plan when labouring. Obviously, to me, my friends and family, this was completely normal and was never taken as an outrageous, naive, inexperienced, young-minded desire. I come from a line of ancestors who would walk into the river alone, give birth and appear a mother, like a rising phoenix from Mother Earths waters. I knew that labouring pain was a good pain, a communication between mother and baby, guiding one another . I knew it was temporary. With meditation, I could take control of the 'monkey mind' that, yes, sometimes, does take me in it's grasps - but I knew that nature would work with me on this and that however my baby wanted to be born, would be the way that it would take. But I...I wanted to labour naturally and feel it. This was an initiation for me. I was entering my rite of passage and I believe this is to be the same for all women, so why give up that chance? I know it's fear...I know these women were frightened but I was just sad to see how much they underestimated their body, their ability to birth and that they would not even give the idea a chance, especially with all the goddess work that I do with women to empower them....I just wanted to take these women off and retreat with them, connect them to their wise woman and see that light burn in their eyes. This was where the innovation came from to begin my 'Conscious Birthing' workshops...
Due date! 23 March
Due date had come...and gone! hahaha! And I was ready. We were all ready. I was on all fours cleaning, dancing, doing yoga, taking walks and still no sign. Until Friday the 26th March appeared and I woke up feeling tired, emotional and scared that I would be induced. I was only 3 days over but my midwives were already discussing an induction date which I was hell bent against...knowing that Gypsy would arrive when we was ready...when his stars were in the right place, he would come. They were clear on my feelings and were gentle with me so did not press the matter. Gypsy had been engaged for 2 months now...he had dropped down and was ready to come and I knew he would...although one could not help be consumed by slight fear. A man-made feeling that I had tried and succeeded in keeping away from my pregnancy was now dawning. After speaking on the phone to my mum and mother-in law...and feeling quite down and tired, I decided I would go into the garden connect with the trees and just open to the flow of the breeze and be flexible like the movement of clouds - this was a light and textured meditation. My senses were alert and sensitive. I felt my body become supple, free...watery.
After doing this...the true twinges began. Gypsy had decided he was ready.
(All meditations, visualisations, chants and other natural techniques that I used throughout my pregnancy and labour are practices that I teach, so please do get in-touch if you would like to know more x www.navajomoon.com)
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